okay ka lang?

I had to put off writing for a while, I was too far gone at some point and purposely writing about something else would only eventually make me succumb to your gravity and drag me raw against the gravel-covered street of your silence. For a time it was all downhill from there, and after a week I waited for the numbness that I know would come at some point, after having been here a number of times already.

Only this time I wasn't afforded that numbness and somewhere promptly forgot how to smile without being conscious of it. The absence of rain only made things feel worser than it was. No cold to turn to for a brief respite from all this silence and my sledgehammer reveries, as no hour passes without you staying inside my thoughts, like you owned them. And you are.

I have to wean myself from music again, it really goes well with all the emotions roiling inside me and everytime I turn the volume up I forget myself and only you remains. It gets harder to pick myself up after the music stops and the world reminds me that I have to be up to speed with its revolutions. I stay in bed for some time and ignore everything to continue revolving around you instead. When the darkness has embraced me long enough then I move and fall into routine.

Then I read "musta?"

I almost close my eyes as gravity calls and as I heed that call, again.

and like an afterthought, I remembered a line from a book saying that the rictus of pleasure closely resembles the rictus of extreme pain, enough that one can be interchanged for the other.